That’s how far along I am in my pregnancy. Somehow I never felt compelled to write about what I am truly going through. I’m about to become a mother! Even as I type it, as I live it, I can’t believe it’s happening. But it is. Every day the little baby inside of me tells me he’s in there alive and literally kicking!

Geez. This is crazy. This is good. So, why haven’t I blogged about it until now? Because I am in limbo. My life has taken such a drastic turn. Something I never expected. I mean, I had hoped to find love, get married then have children. I never ever thought I’d go straight into the having a child part while skipping the previous steps.

I haven’t blogged because my brain feels like a soup of happiness, anticipation, fear, apprehensions, joy, sadness, readiness, reservations, etc. I feel like a planet of emotions. And a lot of times I really don’t know what to do, how to feel, and what to do with my feelings. Some days I feel like I’m all alone in this. And I am almost paralyzed with fear.

But then, all of a sudden I think of holding my baby. Cradling him in my arms. Talking to him. Soothing him with my voice. Looking into his eyes that are seeing this world for the first time. And I am bathed in inexplicable joy. A wave of love for someone I haven’t ever met takes hold of me.

And then? And then I am fine. No matter what.

Even if it’s not him…

Maybe you are just showing me signs I’m ready?

Maybe you are just showing me signs of a promise of someone?

Maybe now…maybe now I can recognize.

Maybe he’s just part of the signs, he’s an arrow pointing me my way?

That’s all.

But…

what if…

it is him?

Is it?

Come to me.

Calling you forth,

come to me.

I conjure you,

Summon you.

Now I can recognize you.

Just because now I know me.

Very, very good things.

They arrive when you are ready.

Open.

Willing.

Seeking.

Then seeing…they appear.

Here’s to good things!

Here’s to very, very good things!

After much water had fallen

More water than the earth could bear

I spoke to my father one evening

For the first time in 35 years.

And he listened for the first time.

I had a lot to say.

And say them, I did.

With heart wide open.

And he looked at me for the first time.

It wasn’t just about what was said.

It was that we both listened

And saw each other for the first time.

up in the sky.

Like a kite flying,

Only a string tethering.

It has only now.

And I feel good about it nonetheless.

Me and Mariah, my sidekick!

Here’s me giving the camera a little attitude.

Me, and Chico. Plus Iwa Moto on the side!

Moi, Chico and Christi. On the side are Rawrgoesaimee and Astroboy with lips apout.

My exorcist look. This will give you nightmares.

My feeble attempt at being lady-like and demure.

Wow! I’m a mo-delle!

So, the Havaianas people have been so kind to invite us to the Make Your Own Havaianas for the past 4 years! We are always so excited to participate and create our own flip-flops with matching embellishments. In this picture, (this was just this afternoon) Chico and I got our own brand new pair each!

So this is the most brand new pair I got this afternoon at the Rockwell Tent. Actually, I already have 5 pairs but here in the tropics you can never have too many flip-flops, right?

Here are some of my closest friends. Everyone got a pair!

There I am posing instead of taking the pic!

And then? Well, after we got our new Havaianas we got hungry. Here are 3 of my friends (Chico, Chantal & Leo). This picture is lovingly entitled: “Waiting for Pizza”.

Special thanks to Janice, Gary and Ammiel of Havaianas for always inviting us. See you next year! Get your own Havaianas at the Rockwell Tent. It’s only until June 1 so hurry so you get the best pick!

]]> http://delamar.wordpress.com/2009/05/29/4th-year-with-havaianas/feed/ 14 delamar IMG_0007 IMG_0011 IMG_0008 IMG_0009 IMG_0015 http://delamar.wordpress.com/2009/05/24/much-ado-about/ http://delamar.wordpress.com/2009/05/24/much-ado-about/#comments Sun, 24 May 2009 04:31:24 +0000 delamar http://delamar.wordpress.com/?p=67 ]]> Here I am waiting for inspiration.
To post on my blog as an introduction…
But for this I can’t find a solution.

Tap. Tap. Tap.
My fingers are going.
Rap. Rap. Rap.
Oh no, I’m failing.

So after all this blah blah blah.
What do I really have to show for this post?
The answer is, I have to boast.
This is all about nothing.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
But!
Thanks for reading.
At least for a minute or so…
While you were perusing…
It was something!

Christi and Chico. Aww, cute pic. Chico is making fun though, as usual!

This will be an added treat. And those who will enjoy this weirdo pose by Chico and Christi would be the ones who go back to read old posts OR if you’re new to my blog. (i still blush after saying/typing “my blog!”) I only added this pic 8 days after I posted it the first time. Okay, I will come clean. I didn’t know how to rotate the pic because it was on it’s wrong side. What did I tell ya? I’m a techno idiot and so it took a while to figure this one out. Slllooowww…I know! (lol)