Delamar’s Brain Farts

June 7, 2011

My Life Unexpected…

Filed under: Uncategorized — delamar @ 4:56 pm

21 weeks, Day 6.

That’s how far along I am in my pregnancy. Somehow I never felt compelled to write about what I am truly going through. I’m about to become a mother! Even as I type it, as I live it, I can’t believe it’s happening. But it is. Every day the little baby inside of me tells me he’s in there alive and literally kicking!

Geez. This is crazy. This is good. So, why haven’t I blogged about it until now? Because I am in limbo. My life has taken such a drastic turn. Something I never expected. I mean, I had hoped to find love, get married then have children. I never ever thought I’d go straight into the having a child part while skipping the previous steps.

I haven’t blogged because my brain feels like a soup of happiness, anticipation, fear, apprehensions, joy, sadness, readiness, reservations, etc. I feel like a planet of emotions. And a lot of times I really don’t know what to do, how to feel, and what to do with my feelings. Some days I feel like I’m all alone in this. And I am almost paralyzed with fear.

But then, all of a sudden I think of holding my baby. Cradling him in my arms. Talking to him. Soothing him with my voice. Looking into his eyes that are seeing this world for the first time. And I am bathed in inexplicable joy. A wave of love for someone I haven’t ever met takes hold of me.

And then? And then I am fine. No matter what.

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